Shameless

'hang the cunts'

All the socialist shit came rushing to the defence of state funded Labour voter Mick Philpott. "The Tories and George Osborne are to blame, if they'd given him a bigger house none of this would've happened as it had nothing to do with all his kids and how much benefit he could claim".

Get the Drinks in

win win

David Cameron urged people not to give a toss about David Miliband by promising he won't let any more immigrants come in. "The Labour Party is swimming with cunts like him so in 2015 I will put a stop to any more of that white fucking shit getting in".

Coming Soon

The Shadow Chancellor

Ed Miliband & Ed Balls were creaming their pants at the prospect of raiding everyone's bank account to pay for Labour shit. "Cyprus has opened the door we can't believe we didn't think of it before! We have no fucking shame and thanks to that cunt Hugh Grant you can't complain".

The One Show

not the black one

This week David Cameron confirmed himself a massive cunt by promising fuck all alcohol for everyone. Closet poofs in Rome picked another one and Vicky Pryce was jailed for marrying one. Lord Ahmed proved he always was one and Eric Joyce showed the Police it takes one to know one. Finally the left-wing fucking shit are going to silence you with Leveson.

Dead Head

cancer

Hugo Chavez finally admitted to snuffing it leaving socialist shit across the globe crying the loss of chief thief. But in the UK, Ed Miliband is alive & well dreaming up new ways to fuck you. "We got it wrong on piss from pakistan & should've taxed the rich more to pay for them cunts too".

Resistance is Futile

'in the background'

The Lib Dems spent all week covering up their pervy shit and couldn't believe their luck when the inbreds of Eastleigh still voted for another lying prick. "Nick Clegg might be a massive tit but we are well & truly undeniably fucking thick".

Smash & Grab

asking for it

David Cameron took a huge bunch of lying cunts to India and dished out invitations to take over. "Britain needs your rupees! No need to come in the back of a van, you won't even have to integrate and it's all there waiting for you on a great big fuck off plate". 

The Untouchables

WANTED! 

With the Pope refusing to die in office there was no chance of any cunt losing their job in the UK as public sector shit always take the piss. But PM David Cameron denied any wrong doing by those poncing off the rest of us "Britain does not reward failure we fund all those who can get in".

Treated Like Dirt

'Bring Back Matron'

David Cameron declared the Labour Government 'not guilty' for killing over 1200 patients at Stafford NHS Hospital by socialist cunts armed with university degrees. Licking Dave's rim Ed Miliband thanked the PM "we musn't blame the nurses either as most of them don't speak any English".

Money No Object

grateful democratic Libya

As Britain edged closer to broke the liberal piss that run the country has borrowed £30billion to spend on a fucking train and even more on another wife beaters hole. David Cameron defended his plans "HS2 is needed for all the Labour voting shit up North, and by sticking our oar in Mali we get to pay for French fuck ups too".

Take Your Pick

'No-Go' Area

David Cameron pretended he wants out the EU while he begs to stay in "I will suck that much French & German cock we can fuck off the result". But the Labour party slammed the right to vote as racist "we won't be able to flood your town with shit from Europe so we'll do it with Tower Hamlets cunts instead".

Pond Life

'round them up'

Another mass trial of sunni shit meant Brits can sleep soundly knowing them cunts will be deported after their soft sentence. So no need to 'lock up your daughters' because in the UK our police and politicians make sure we're all safe from imports who outstay their fucking welcome.

Truth Be Told

laughing at you  

With MPs recommending themselves a 32% pay rise the coalition of Cameron & Clegg decided now was a good time to review pledges whilst stroking each others cock. "We're still pouring your money into sluts breeding piss and still covering up for the Police & the BBC in the Jimmy Savile shit".

Washington Redskins

nearly

Barack Obama avoided the fiscal shit guaranteeing more Hawaiian holidays for himself and that fat cow wife of his. "The European Union leads the world in pissing away public money and we must do the same. They have a magic money tree and we must get one too. God Bless America here's some tax hikes because like every cunt socialist I spend it better than you".

Something For Nothing

"Happy New Year Slaves!"

As MP's gorged on yuletide festivities for fucking free their mates and those who scrounged money for medals got even more off you and me. No crap Christmas for those who plunder and loot us all. More laws, more taxes and more shit in 2013 from them 650 cunts if you don't play ball.

Pigs In Blankets

Happy Christmas

A Met Police plot to force the Tories out & install their Labour Party paymasters into power was found out to be completely true. All the lying fucking shit that swell the ranks to bursting admitted they love fitting people up "we're not called cunts for nothing we'll do anybody over except for muslims we always let them off".

Married With Children

good grief

Fat old sauna queen Keith Vaz demanded compensation for families of immigrants who commit suicide. "British people must take the blame for those who hang themselves". Ed Miliband outlined Labours plan to herd in more "somalis, roma & groomers with beards, have no fear we want you to come shit on Mr & Mrs White still living here". 

UK Uncut

'head & shoulders'

With his Autumn Statement George Osborne promised lots of cuts and gave all the parasites a 1% pay rise. But massive cunt Ed Balls claimed the increase was austerity and would hurt slags, islamics & all the other shit Labour let in "Britain needs these people as we'll have no one to vote for us and nothing to piss away your money on".

Scum of the Earth

carrier

As socialist shit screamed for more censorship their leader Ed Miliband said "we support Leveson's Law, we will regulate everyone & everything". And all the thick cunts in Rotherham, Middlesbrough & Croydon agreed 'yes please Ed, we love being told what to do, fuck victims of muslim rape, we always vote for you'.

Done Deal

#askboris

Eastern European scavs were moaning the loss of free everything as David Cameron came away from the EU budget piss take pretending he'd tried really hard to keep our money away from them cunts, "peasants in Europe need our homes and jobs more than we do so we'll return in January to completely fuck ourselves over".

Great Britain

class

All the lefty cunts were loving it this week as their favourite muslim Abu Qatada won the right to a bigger house and as much money as he can cope with. Home Secretary Theresa May vowed to send him packing one day real soon, "I got rid of some last month so only five million to go now".

You Get What You Pay For

W ednesday

T hursday

F riday

With public enquiries & fucking nonces everywhere David Cameron decided to blame Twitter but by the end of the week none of his mates were in the frame after all. The BBC and greedy fat socialist cunt Tom Watson promised renewed bullshit to link Margaret Thatcher to "we won't give up, we'll study every blog till we find something".

Wonderland

double your money

twice as much 

Mighty eurosceptic David Cameron was so furious at losing a commons vote allowing him to rob us even more, he vowed to completely ignore it. Mouth wrapped round EU cock he promised them cunts 'more spends for socialist fuck'. But the Parliamentary Labour Party spoke and declared "we're just as full of shit as you and we've just as many Lord McAlpine's too!"

USA Today

'Operation Block Vote'

During the final US Presidential debate, Barack Obama promised islamists across the globe loads more licking of their medieval fucking shit and plenty more tax dollars to go with it. "Vote for me and I will fight to ensure every American family gets free food & y'all wishing you'd voted for some other cunt".

All In It Together

'sick & twisted'

Labour Party mouthpiece the BBC were this week trying to cover up the fact they keep paedophile rapists in luxury lifestyles that taxpayers are forced to fund or go to jail. The Director General denied Jimmy Savile proved what a bunch of lying thieving fucking cunts they are "nobody here knew least of all those of us who kissed his ring for six decades".

Basket Case

con job

With UK prisons filling up by the hour Foreign Secretary William Hague demanded the right to freedom of expression in pakistan. But that lot living here were too busy benefitting to give a shit over the shooting of a 14 year old girl by their very own taliban. So no flag burning, no screaming for fatwa, no shouting for jihad & no outrage for them to give a flying fuck about this week.